Am I Revan?
by BellaJake0127
Summary: Derc Cora ponders if he really is Revan after the mission on the Leviathan. Will he learn to accept his new identity? Written for Kotor 10th Anniversary.


In celebration of Knights of The Old Republic turning 10 years of age, I decided to write a little short story about Revan. I hope you all enjoy it. Happy Birthday Kotor!

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The Ebon Hawk is quiet. You only hear the humming of the engines. Everyone is asleep. It's been one hell of a couple of days. Captured by Saul Karath's ship the Leviathan, tortured for information, learning the Jedi enclave on Dantooine was destroyed, encountering Malak, losing my Bastila...and learning the truth. The truth. It doesn't feel like the truth. How can it be? My name is Derc Cora born on Deralia. I remember my mother and father...I didn't fight in the Mandalorian Wars. Or did I? Flashes of battles come to my mind, a man called Alek by my side. What is my real name? If I'm not Derc Cora then who am I? Was Revan my true name? No...that doesn't seem right. How could I be the Dark Lord of the Sith? How could I have killed innocents? These hands...my hands. I raise them up and look at them. I get up from the bunk and walk toward the refresher. I enter it and look at myself in the mirror. I don't look like the Dark Lord of the Sith...yet he did wear a mask. I mean look at me...I don't look imposing. My short hair is cut nicely with a curl upward in the front. I'm clean shaven and my hazel eyes look bright even if there are dark circles under them.

This can't be the face of a Sith Lord? This can't be the face of the most feared man in the galaxy? Yet there are flashes in my memory. I can see the battle in which Revan fell, I can feel his pain. I can remember finding the first star map on Dantooine, with Malak...or was his name Alek? Yet my first time there was with Bastila and Carth not Malak...can I be the same person as him...as Darth Revan. I don't want to be him! I am nothing like him! I am Derc Cora, Jedi Knight of the Republic...I'm just Derc. I walk out of the refresher and head to the cockpit. My bare feet hitting the cold floor with each step. I sit in the pilots chair, my bare back resting on the back of the chair. I pull my legs up and just wear black boxer briefs in the cockpit. I watch the stars zip past, how calming it is to watch them fly by. Did he do this...I mean did I do this before? Did I enjoy watching them when I was him?

So much in my mind, so much to process. Will the others act differently around me? Carth seems to be on edge, like he's walking on eggshells around me. I just want to scream, I'm still me Carth! I'm still Derc! I'm not a power hungry Sith Lord! I'm just Derc. Will he believe me? He can be so stubborn, I know how much he hates Revan and Malak for what happened to Telos, but it's not my fault. I don't even remember it! How can Revan and I be the same if I hardly remember anything about that part of my life. Can I even call it my life? It can't be my life...oh Bastila why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me? I feel so alone without you here. I need you...by the stars do I need you.

My mind travels to just a week ago, when we gave in to our passions. I remember her scent, the feel of her skin as my fingers caressed, the taste of her lips, the moans she made, the pure ecstasy of the moment. If only I could whisper I love you again in her ear. Bastila...I know you don't want to admit it, but I love you...even if I am him, and he me...I love you. I will find you and I will rescue you from him. Jolee says he might force you to turn to the darkside, but I hope that knowing that I love you will keep you strong, will keep you pure of heart. I know it won't be easy but please my love...my Bastila...stay strong. I will find you and I will defeat Malak. If I am indeed Revan then I am the only one strong enough to defeat him. My powers grow daily, my strength in the force, my commitment to the lightside...these will aid me when I come to save you my love. I just wish you had told me. Why didn't you tell me? Malak why did you take her from me! I can feel the anger rising inside of me. I cannot allow that...

"There is no emotion...there is peace

there is no ignorance...there is knowledge

there is no passion...there is serenity

there is no chaos...there is harmony

there is no death...there is the force."

I breathe in deeply and breathe out ever so slowly. I reopen my eyes and look at the stars going by again. I hear footsteps coming up to the cockpit. The steps are not rough or hard like any of the men on board, so it is either Juhani or Mission. I wonder what one of them is doing up. The footsteps come closer.

"Derc." I hear a young voice.

"Mission, what are you doing up?" I ask her.

She comes up and sits next to me in the co-pilots seat. She wears a large shirt that covers her whole torso. She rubs her eyes and yawns.

"Why are you up?" She asks.

"I couldn't sleep." I look over at her.

"Is it about you being Revan?"

I nod and look back at the stars thinking about everything. The torture, the escape, the running through the ship, fighting waves and waves of Sith troopers and dark Jedi. The fight battle with Saul Karath, Carth's old mentor, the encounter with Malak...the revelation. Bastila...why didn't you tell me, why did you sacrifice yourself to save me...my love.

"You know you're not him."

"Pardon?" I ask her jarring me from my thoughts.

"You're not Revan...you don't think like him, you don't act like him. You are your own person Derc. You're not a Sith Lord, you are a Jedi. A kind soul who helped save me and Big Z from some assholes on Taris. You redeemed Juhani from her inner darkness. You gave Canderous and Carth purpose. You're a great master to the droids. You helped an old looney man not be lonely. You gave Bastila... you gave her your heart. You are not the Revan I have heard about. You are a good man. Don't let this demon of your past bother you. Your a great guy...a bit annoying at times when it comes to the teasing, but a great guy. Carth will come around, he's just a grumpy old guy and it takes him longer to get used to things. Just hang in there buddy okay." Her hand rests on my shoulder.

"Do you mean that? It doesn't bother you that...I was that monster?" I ask her my voice is low.

"No it doesn't. That man who fought at Malachor V is gone. You have been reborn. You have been given a second chance. Not many are given that. You have this second chance to do the right thing, and I know you will." She smiles at me.

I look at her and can tell her words are sincere. There is no lying, it is what she feels deep down inside. She trusts me and if she trusts me then I know Zaalbar does as well. She has made a very good point, this is a second chance. A chance to undo his mistakes...no my mistakes. A chance to end this meaningless war and protect the Republic. I had strived so hard to protect the Republic against the Mandalorians, I defiled the Council and went to war to save the Republic from the brutality and then I turned around and became even more of brutal force then the Mandalorians. I can fix this, I can help bring victory to the Republic. I can finish what I sought out to do when I was him. Protect the Republic.

"Than you Mission, for having faith in me."

"I've always had faith in you. Don't let this bother you, we still have one more Star Map to find and then we can rescue Bastila."

"Yes, one more Star Map." I look back out to the stars.

"So get some sleep buddy. You're going to need it." With that she gets up, messes up my hair and walks back out.

I get up from the pilot's seat and walk out with higher self-esteem then when I entered the cockpit. I am Revan, and I'm going to save the Republic.


End file.
